*Nothing makes grass grow better than having your lawn mower quit working.
*Nothing is more embarrassing than crapping at a party, and plugging up the toilet, especially for a female.
The sorrow that has no vent may make other organs weep.
Getting on your high horse will likely give you a sore butt, and may end up tossing you on it.
*Living in the modern world we have lost all concept of things our ancestors had to live with, like encountering a snake when you get up to pee in the dark of night.
*The stars are beautiful, but remember, they were just as beautiful when your ancestors were living in caves.
Birds are taken with pipes that imate their own voices, and men with those sayings that are most agreeable to their own opinions.
Try as you might, you aren’t enchanting your butt out of the mess you’ve created for yourself.
*It’s a sad day when you can’t find anything in the house you want to eat, but when you consider going out, you can’t decide on any place you’d like to go, so you end up eating stale chips and leftover hotdogs.
*You become an adult when you finally realize that your parents were right about most things.
They talk most who have the least to say.
Humans who lack understanding of deeper matters are little different than sheep idly grazing in a field, but are apt to cause more trouble and be more disagreeable than the woolly herd.
*Speak boldly, even if you feel like peeing in your shoe: even a timid and terrified human will seem strong if their voice sounds assured.
*Beauty attracts many, who end up burned in the harshness of the beautiful one’s nasty personality.
So long as a man enjoys prosperity, he cares not whether he is beloved.
Marcus Anneus Lucan
One as is better than two if they belong to a pretty woman. If the two asses belong to disagreeable asses, a greater number is no improvement.
*You can plan a vacation for months, but the minute you get back, you’ll think of several other places you wish you’d gone.
* Nothing makes someone less eager to do something than having their spouse insist they do it.
We live in the midst of alarms: anxiety becolouds the future; we expect some new disaster with each new newspaper we read.
You ladies should understand that men aren’t nearly as ready and able to handle you as they’d like you to think they are.