Duct Tape for the Soul for July 3, 2014

Communication? What Communication?

I see a lot of young adults who have no idea what they’re doing relationship wise. Young women stuck having terrible, unfulling sex, with no clue how to ask or demand what they want. Guys staying with girls they neither respect or like simply because they’ll have sex! Everyone’s apparently hoping the Sex Fairy will magically appear and everyone will have great, orgasmic sex!

The problem is really not about sex at all, however. It about not understanding oneself enough to know what you need, and having the confidence to ask for it! It doesn’t help that people will date for years, sleep together and have sex, and never talk about themselves in a meaningful way. I’ve watched people thirty years old date five years, get married, and then discover that one of them has no intention to even have kids!

Naturally, when you start dating seriously, you lack some ability to discern what others tell you. People can be pretty vague and imprecise at answering simple questions. “Someday” gets used a lot, when “Never” would be a lot more honest. It isn’t just the youth that end up clueless either. I’ve watched fifty year old friends fall down the rabbit hole too, investing tons of time and emotion in relationships that were doomed from hello.

Failure to communicate is a plague for much of humanity. Even if you listen, and speak precisely, you may still fall flat when you don’t understand your own desires and goals! It’s impossible to be honest to someone else when you’re lying to yourself! The answer, assuming you’d like to have a deep, meaningful relationship, is to get in touch with your own heart and soul first! Know Thyself isn’t just a cliche. If you know yourself, what you want and what you’ll accept, you’re a big step closer to being able to ask for what you want and need. You still have to find the will to insist on it, but that’s a subject for another chat!

Jack

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