Duct Tape for the Soul for June 4, 2014

You Likely Can Be Judged By Your Underwear

If someone halfway knowledgeable peeked in your underwear drawer, they could determine more about you and your life than you’d learn in three years with a shrink! Does that disturb you? Sorry, but it’s probably true. Is your dresser and closet crammed full of clothes that wouldn’t fit if you lost fifty pounds? Why are you clinging to them? Do they remind you of your lost youth? Your sexy former self? Are you hoping a miracle will occur, and you’ll wake up trim and sexy again?

Maybe you’re secretly hoping for a return of the seventies, so that old leisure suit will be in style again. (God save us!). So tell us, how much effort are you making to get back to that trim, toned you of your past? I know, too much effort, isn’t it?

Oh, sure, maybe you’re just thrifty, and hate to toss out good clothing. Besides, you’d only pollute the air needlessly, driving all of it to Goodwill, right? Did your parents berate you as a child, not to waste good clothes? (Honey, kids are going naked in China, you can wear those again!).

Speaking of wearing things again, what shape is your underwear in? Are you dating, and do you feel pressured to have pristine new panties, free of holes and skid marks? You do want to be judged as civilized, yes? If you’re married or in a stable relationship, you’re likely to be wearing some pretty dubious undies, and have several less than stellar, stained and shopworn things in your drawers. You wear them too! Admit it!

Care to guess the number one sign that your partner is cheating on you? They’ll by new undies, (especially sexy ones), that you never see them wearing. You’d be wise to buy some new ones too; you’ll likely be looking for a new partner sooner than you think!

Jack

 

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