Reduce Your Workload

You can make one simple change, in how you approach life, and simplify your existance a hundred fold. Ever count up how many words you expend to lie about things? Or tabulate the energy it takes to keep all of your lies in order? You’re too lazy to tell the same lie over and over, just winging it haphazardly to all sorts of different people, and then you’re stuck, trying to keep all that straight! Gets really hard, doesn’t it?

Well, here’s a better approach. The next time someone comes, accusing you for some wicked, wrong or improper thing they’re sure you’ve done, don’t lie, just look at them and say, Yes, I did that. I’m sorry. Be prepared to administer CPR on the spot, as they’re likely to have a stroke, being suddenly confronted with such blatant honesty. Likely, they’ll be so put off their stride, they won’t even be able to yell and scream effectively.

Even if they do, just stand there and smile, letting it wash over you, like a duck in a downpour. You have nothing to be guilty about, you’ve already confessed. Now you’re free to work on fixing the damage your crappy actions have caused. And you don’t have a single lie to tell or keep track of!

Oh, sure, you’ll be in the doghouse a while, but you’d have eventually fared worse, when your lies were uncovered, and you know, they always will be! The consequences of being a turd are always less than for bing a lying turd. You’ll eventually figure out how to act better, if you never try to hide your evil with lies. Sure, the first time you’re honest, and admit that you squandered the rent money on shoes or booze, or actually say, Yeah, she’s the girl I slept with last Saturday, the consequences will be sharp. But what, pray tell, do you think they’ll be anyway, when the truth oozes out eventually? At least this way, you don’t have to spend months lying and sweating! You may be regarded as a lot of dubious things, but you’ll no longer be called a liar! That has to be a step up, don’t you think?

Jack