What Have You Been Talking About All This Time?

Can someone explain to me how two people can date for several years, even live together two, three four or more, then get married, and be shocked to find they don’t agree on something as important as whether to have kids or not? Careers, where to live, what to spend money on…people get shocked by sudden disagreements on these big items all the time. How?!!!

What have you been talking about all that time? Snooki’s butt? Crap on TV? Sports, politics or maybe philosophy? Dear God!  Sorry, I hate to rant, but this is serious! You’re betting the farm on a relationship, when you have no idea on earth if you’re remotely compatible with someone, because you never ask the deep questions? Excuse me, but doesn’t that seem a bit…odd?

Okay, it’s not odd, its totally, one hundred percent Stoooopid! You’re dooming yourself to divorce court, all because it was easier to pretend you got along, then to find out if maybe you didn’t! So here’s a thought. Don’t move in, don’t even sleep with someone until you’ve grown the nads to find out the big picture. Kids, religion, lifestyle, money management expectations. Don’t forget sexual issues and compatibility too! You marry someone with the sex drive of a nun, you aren’t going to be happy for long!

You don’t need to hand out a form to fill out on the first date, but you can start casually asking some questions! “Tell me about your family” easily leads to “How many siblings do you have?” which begets, “Ever think about what you’d want in life, family wise?” You may well hear the exact opposite of what you want, and if you do, don’t lie to yourself and think it doesn’t matter; move on, now! Assuming you’d like to find someone who isn’t going to surprise you, and make you want a divorce!

Jack