If you’ve paid attention, you’ll note that I’m a boomer. Mostly because I grew up broke, and had to pay my own way, especially for college, I tended to take a dim view of my fellows who played, partied and protested while living on their parent’s dime. I’m happy to say that I still have that disdain for freeloaders, fools and the smarty’s, especially the holier-than-thou ones, and this feature is a sort of cynical and satirical nose-thumbing tribute to the whole lot of them. Enjoy!

Jack

• Hippie Atonement: Buying a Prius or  wearing hemp underwear, in a poor attempt to offset forty years of mindless consumerism.
• Hippie Condescension: The secret belief that the hippies are more aware than normal people, and should be in charge, which makes them look down on everyone but other hippies.
• Hippie Burger: (Also Mulch Burger)  Any non-burger burger. May be tofu or vegi based, smothered by  salad.
• Hippie Enterprise: Any business devoted to saving the earth, saving humanity or being run by the employees ala the Maxist model. Doomed without finding capitalism.
• Hippie Environmental Disaster: Any natural disaster that can’t be blamed on government or some evil corporation; an act of God.
• Hippie Envy: What hippies exhibit towards steak-eaters as they munch organic celery and tofu burgers; triggers hippie condescension.
• Hippie Habits: Accidental slips, causing an old hippie to say things like, “Oh, wow, man!” or “Bummer!” during conversation, unmasking their hidden past and shame.
• Hippie Hairdo: Currently seen as a pony tail on a partly bald man. Females now have waist length gray hair.
• Hippie Hajj: Making the pilgrimage to Woodstock or to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
• Hippie Hideout: Place where a Hidden Hippie lives. Usually a normal suburban home, replete with garden, rain barrels, compost pile, and recycling bins, using, “green tech” to camouflage old hippie tendencies.
• Hippie Hygiene: The mistaken belief that one bath a week or month helps save the planet from running out of water. Trying to imitate a third world resident’s aroma.
• Hippie Hypocrisy: The futile and embarrassing effort of old hippies to deal with the drug addictions and promiscuity of their children. Nothing ruins moralizing like having teens find old photos of mom and dad stoned or screwing in their tie-dyed splendor.
• Hippie Inferiority Complex: Usually caused by accidentally watching a show on the Greatest Generation. Hippies hate being compared to their parents since they look so pathetic in their accomplishments.
• Hippie Inflation: The huge increase in the price of Marijuana over the past thirty years as the result of the boomers’ foolish “war on drugs.”
• Hippie Gardening: The fanatic attempt to be self-sufficient by raising Kumquats, lettuce and beans; may also refer to indoor marijuana cultivation. Hippies frequently talk to their plants, especially when stoned.
• Hippie Guilt and Shame: May be either the result of having accomplished nothing in life or by comparing their actual life to their old hippie idealism, and having failed utterly to change the world, at least in a better sense.
• Hippie Holocaust: The eradication of most hippies due to being forced to get a job and grow up. Now, people who look scruffy like the hippies have no political agenda; they’re just lazy.
• Hippie Light Bulbs: Replacements for incandescent bulbs; have a large amount of toxic mercury and cost five times the price, while saving a miniscule amount of juice.
• Hippie Mobile: Originally a VW Microbus, but now may be an electric car or a teeny little imported one.
• Hippie Renaissance: What hippies would all pray for, if they believed in God. Would be a time where old hippies could wear tie-dyed cloths and have mindless sex, (without the use of Viagra), while being supported financially by others.
• Hippie Reruns: Stories told about Woodstock, living in a commune, sit-ins, anti-war protests etc., as aging hippies seek to remember their youthful glory days.
• Hippie Spawn: Children of hippies, who have been scared for life by being given hippie names like Moonbeam, Astra, Moon Unit or Woodstock.
• Hippie Sunset: The rapid loss of memory as hippies enter their sixties, normal aging compounded by years of drug use. “Oh wow! Like, who am I?” will become their anthem.
• Hippie Transfiguration: The rapid change from being a hippie to wearing a suit or nice dress, as the result of having to find a job. Considered a “bummer”
• Hippie Tryst: An old hippie giving in to the urge to have mindless sex, “free love,” with a much younger person. May cause stroke, divorce or severe disappointment when they fail to perform adequately.
• Accumulated Hippie Angst: Guilt at being successful and making money, living in the suburbs, and generally doing everything that their parents did, only more mindlessly.
• Concentrated Hippie Event: Mostly concerts by old sixties musicians where all the old pot heads get to pretend that the hippies  actually accomplished something and changed the world.
• Government Subsidized Hippie Technology: Any alternative energy or  product that requires government subsides to avoid bankruptcy; solar, wind, recycling and ethanol.
• Recycled Hippie: A hippie who’s undergone a Hippie Transfiguration.
• Transferred Hippie Guilt: Attempt by old hippies to make their children feel the need to recycle and do all the other mostly futile things hippies do to feel “environmentally sensitive.”
• Unrepentant Hippie: An old hippie who still has his lava lamp beside the bed, and sports a pony tail while wearing old tie-dyed tees.
• Boomer Alibis: All the excuses used to explain why they abandoned their early dreams of being a better human than their parents.
• Boomer Barn: The massive and over sized house boomers prefer to have, to prove how successful they’ve been; their reward for abandoning their youthful idealism.
• Boomer Benevolence: Letting someone else have the opportunity to help others, since they are always, “Too busy.”
• Boomer Bitterness: The oppressive feeling of envy at being compared unfavorably to previous generations. Not the “Greatest  Generation” but they might well be the most useless and self absorbed generation.
• Boomer Bill: What the boomer’s children and grand children will be stuck with paying after the boomers have squandered all of the  country’s wealth on “Having a good time.”
• Boomer Blather: A boomers ceaseless hollow talk about “saving the world” or being “environmentally sensitive.”
• Boomer Bomb: The admission that one has been doing something wicked and immoral which is timed to distract others from their examination of how little the boomer in question has actually accomplished in life.
• Boomer Boob Job: Mindless quest for eternal youth and imagined perfection. Breast enhancements, cosmetic surgery, hair and dental work; a vain attempt to evade the grim reaper, or to not look like an old fart.
• Boomer Bottom: The chronic rash and irritation on a boomer’s bottom, caused by having spent a lifetime having parents, teachers, professors and employers constantly wiping their butts to accommodate their laziness.
• Boomer Bravado: Related to  blather. Arrogant assertions about just how much the boomer talking has personally done to save the planet from doom. Mostly wishful thinking or outright lies.
• Boomer Breakdown: The sudden onset of old age, causing body parts to fail and the boomer to seek ever more extreme versions of the “Boomer Boob Job.”
• Boomer Burden: Having to grow up, get a job and act like an adult, since all boomers just wanted to stay young and play.
• Boomer Bust: The complete failure of the young boomers to “change the world” at least for the better. Instead, they gave us thirty years of mindless consumerism and whining.
• Boomer Buying Spree: What the boomers have done for thirty years. After reviling their parents for wanting nice things, which they had earned by surviving the depression and a world war, the young boomers, who had been the most indulged children ever, went on a binge of consumerism which will result in most of them eating Alpo and living in their children’s basements.
• Boomer Condescension: The snotty sense of false superiority that  boomers exhibit to hide their own failure and hypocrisy.
• Boomer Entitlement: The irrational but life long feeling that they deserved to be aided, supported, propped up or excused solely because they expected to be. Now entering the final frontier as they retire, having failed to plan or save adequately, they will insist that someone else maintain their standard of living.
• Boomer Judgment Day: The day that the boomer discovers their offspring have no desire to support them in their old age, having discovered how badly the boomers have screwed up the world.
• Boomer Justification: Whatever excuse a boomer uses as to why they accomplished so little in life except for buying useless junk
• Boomer Independence: The boomer’s favorite justification for not caring about anyone else; “I’m just exerting my independence.”
• Boomer Poop: The mounds and piles of merchandise accumulated by boomers, instead of investing for retirement adequately. Boats, jet skis, campers, cars, second homes, huge TVs, gadgets, jewelry, clothes etc. Boomers not only don’t know, “You can’t take it with you when you go,” they don’t realize you can’t eat any of this crap. They will soon find out.
• Boomer Retribution: The eventual chaining of the boomers in their children’s basements, because the kids have no desire to pay for their parent’s nursing home while they work for nine dollars an hour at Weasel Mart, thanks to their parent’s idiocy and greed, and bad financial planning.
• Boomer Tantrum: What boomers always had when told NO. Phrases such as “You’re not fair” or “I hate you for being so mean,”  and the classic, “You can’t make me!” were mixed with vulgarisms. The young boomers again used this in school and college to get their way, and again at work, with much less success. Now, they plan to use it to defend their social security.