Things That Hack Me Off!

Everybody gets annoyed by things. Usually, the cause is someone or something stupid.  Here’s a few of the things that drive me crazy. Make your own list for fun!22398247_l


  1. People with twenty plus items, who get in the ten item express line. Stupid people who can’t count have no business being in a hurry about anything!
  2. People who turn on a turn signal, then turn the opposite direction. Dyslexically handed, or just idiots?
  3. Anyone driving ten MPH or more below the speed limit. Go find a parking lot, and stay put there.
  4. People who say, “Who is this?” when I answer the phone. Tell you what, Ace, if you don’t know who you’re calling, and don’t have the courtesy to say who you are, hang up the phone quietly, and leave technologically sophisticated devices alone.
  5. Anyone who says, “Can I have just a minute of your time?” Never ask that without first asking what I charge for a minute of my time!
  6. Anyone who calls and asks, “Are you free to take a survey?” I’m not free to anyone who isn’t cute and willing!
  7. Drivers who cut in front of me, and don’t have the decency to even wave a simple thank you, for me not killing them on the spot.
  8. Pedestrians who assume I’m willing to put wear on my brakes just to stop when they j-walk in front of me. You’d be amazed at how fast people can leap for the curb, when they hear you step on the gas.
  9. Politicians who begin a long winded lie by saying, “Let me be honest about this.” If one of them said he was going to kill himself, and I found the body, I’d stab it with a fork at least twenty times just to make sure it wasn’t another lie! Honest my ass!
  10. Any recorded message that tells me how much my call or business means to the outfit I’m calling, as I sit waiting for a real human to answer the friggin’ phone! If they gave a crap, they’d pay a real person to answer, even if I had to then wait a while for someone else!
  11. Any retailer who holds a sale, and only has two items in stock! Even worse is when they say they’re out of “rain checks.” Well sorry, friend, I’m out of sympathy, and won’t be back…ever! May you languish and die a slow death ala K-Mart!
  12.  Any cop, who pulls me over, and walks up to greet me with, “How are you doing?” Apparently the requirements to be a cop have declined over the years? I was doing fine until you showed up, Einstein; how hard is this to grasp?
  13. Any server, who comes to my table, while I’m busy conversing with a companion, and asks, “Are you done with that?” or, “Do you want me to take that away?” hoping to push me along, to get me out of the way for the next person. Actually, I’m waiting for God to instruct me on how small your tip will be, for being obnoxious and pushy! Got that?
  14. Some weasel who tries to slither in front of me at the check out line, saying, “I’m in a hurry…can I just go ahead of you?” Guess what…I need to get to my parole officer’s for a meeting…I just got out after beating someone like you to death with a can of frozen orange juice. Now are you really that much in a rush?
  15. Anyone who wears a neon colored article of clothing, then asks if it “makes me look fat?” Well, honestly, you’re making me go blind and it makes you look like a fashion challenged lemur. Keep quiet or develop better tastes!
  16. People who just, “know” how things are in the world, after listening to a thirty second news clip on TV.
  17.  Stupid celebrities who hold news conferences to announce pointless, personal things. I don’t care if you’ve changed your shade of nail polish, perfume, type of panties, or have just emerged from rehab for the Nth time. Shut up!
  18.  A clerk at a store, who, when I walk up and ask for a left handed, Model 237A-1, synchronized, limited edition turbo widget in red, with case, asks, “You sure?” No, I just did three months of research for the hell of it! I have no idea what I’m talking about! Help! Moron! May your data terminal short out tragically and fry your butt!
  19.  Any celebrity babe who giggles, and says, “I feel so stupid!” You aren’t just feeling stupid honey, trust me!
  20.  Any person, but especially the spouse, who says, “You really want to do X?” after I just said I want to do X.
  21.  A clerk or cashier who tries to wait on me while talking on the phone to some other idiot. If you don’t want that thing up your butt, you’ll hang up before I say hello!
  22.  Health care workers who say, “This might be a bit uncomfortable,” before stabbing me or using something like pliers to rip part of my body off. Can I ask you, “Did that hurt?” after I punch you too?
  23.  Anyone, but especially the spouse, who starts a proclamation with, “I didn’t think you’d mind…” before telling me that hordes of people I despise will be arriving in five minutes.
  24.  Anyone who gazes on my possessions and says, “Boy, I wish I had one of those!” Tell you what ace, quit squandering your money on other things, especially your vices, save your money and you can BUY yourself one!
  25.  An acquaintance who utters, “You really should__________,” whether it be exercise, change my diet, get hippie-fied for green stuff, or wax the cat. I’m not seeing your halo son, so sit down and shut up! Thank you.
  26.  A politician who’s stealing us blind and then says, “We need to do more to help the poor and down trodden.” I’d gladly do more, if you idiots in DC stopped raping my bank account to have more money to waste!
  27.  Kids who beg for expensive toys and gadgets by saying, “But I need this!” You need air, food, and water, and a loincloth to avoid indecency charges. All the rest are luxury items. Find a better reason. Much better.
  28.   The wife, who’s closet was the former family room, when she says, “But I don’t have a thing to wear,” and isn’t joking.
  29.  Anyone who points to my bald head, and says “When did you shave it?” I didn’t. It’s the result of having idiots ask me stupid questions. Maybe my size twelve shoe up your rear will make you contemplate better before speaking?
  30. Any kind of “tech support.” I’m probably a moron at techie stuff, so when someone in a foreign country asks me, “So tell me sir, what do you think is wrong with your machine?” I tend to throw things and scream.  Dear God, if I knew, would I be calling? One more reason to keep the death penalty.